He's Just Not That Into You. And you're telling me this...why?

As some of you may already know,"He's Just Not That Into You"opens February 6th just in time for Valentine's Day. The movie chronicles several interconnecting relationships where one person, usually the woman, is more emotionally involved than the man. It stars Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Ben Affleck and Hollywood's current sad sack single girl, Jennifer Aniston.

I had the pleasure, or depending on your opinion, the displeasure, of reading the book on which the movie was based. The author, Greg Behrendt, gives a startling and uncomfortable look into the male psyche...and how completely simplistic it is. Apparently, women's first mistake when it comes to relationships, is giving a man too much credit. Think of a man like a five-year-old. If he wants the shiny toy, he'll do whatever he has to to get it and won't stop until its his. If he doesn't make a grab for it, well..."He's just not that into you".

Fine. I get it. If he wants you, he wants you. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Simple...to the point and you can wrap it into a nice little catchphrase. But what about the middle ground guys? Those guys that want to play with the new toy really bad at first, but then get bored with it? The guy who can't decide if he likes the new toy, but hasn't decided to put it down yet? Or the guy who calls out of the blue every few weeks, does his damnedest to get on your good side, but is gone faster than bad Chinese?(Okay, I lost my toy metaphor, but you get what I'm saying.)

The book, while mildly entertaining and informative, discusses the intense passion a man should have, but never delves into the mild flirtation that many of us has more experience with. Whose to say you want him to call you the next day? "Bug-a-boo" was recorded for a reason, you know.

But this isn't why I started this post. I didn't come here to discuss what a man thinks or feels, because in my near Thirties cynicism, I'm starting to question whether these creatures exist. (Kidding...mostly) I'm here to talk about this genre that both the book and movie exploit.

The chick lit/flick....a genre that takes every cloying and degrading facet of being single and dating and then points out everything you've done wrong to make you single and how its was always your fault. This movie takes it a step further by telling you you're an idiot for thinking he wanted you in the first place, but they tie it in a pretty bow by saying that you're "undervaluing" yourself. That's the "real problem". You just haven't found that guy who loves you for you.

Now I haven't seen the movie (nor do I plan to), but I can guarantee that in the end of this farce they will probably portray an wholly unattainable ending where everyone ends up with who exactly they are supposed to be with and live happily ever after no matter how implausible it may seem.

This does not compute with reality. Happily ever after only exist in Disney movies. Heck, even one of the stars of the film thought she had what was considered by many a "happily ever after" and it walked away with a nice pair of lips and a huge rack.

So what am I so angry about do you ask? Is it simply the bitter single in me rearing its beautifully coiffed head?

...maybe a little. But my main problem is...Why now? Its Valentine's for pity's sake!!!

Valentine's Day, a day which is noted for one of three times a year(See: Christmas and New Year's) when single women status is considered a communicable disease that must be treated with whatever loser can be picked up in time. When pity and "I'm glad I'm not you" is the major reactions you get from your paired friends and family.

So at the lowest of the low you want me to sit through another movie illustrating to me how my relationships fail?! And don't even think of giving me that crap that this is a date movie. What man in their right mind would suggest to their date, "Hey, let's go see that movie that points out how I'm just screwing you and will probably dump you later?" and what woman would suggest, "I really want to see that Jennifer Aniston movie where she spends half the movie being a shrew about getting married the way I'm probably doing to you!"

No this movie is purely for the lonely, pathetic single girls who the filmmakers KNOW have nothing better to do. They know we'll show up with our pathetic single girlfriends, watch till we're almost in tears, then go to some bar and rip into our exes and vow that it will never happen again.

Well, that's some bull $#!+...and you know what? I'm just not that into it.

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